Brentwood Press - IndexBrentwood Press - AntiochPress_05.09.08 - IndexMAY 9, 2008 COMMUNITY THEPRESS.NET | 7A
Dinner with George and Ward
I love those public service
announcements that stress the importance
of a family dinner. George Lopez
saunters around a dining room table,
inviting families to take the time to sit
down and share the day’s events over a
HANGIN’ IN
THERE
VICKI
MCKENNA
meal with the family.
I’ll admit it.
Dinnertime in our
house is a nightmare.
Around 6 p.m., the
boys blow in from
playing basketball
and ask, “Mom,
what do we have to
eat?” I suggest about
15 different options,
none of which are
acceptable. They
groan and throw themselves onto the
couch, begging for pizza or fast food, and
roll around looking tormented, as if they
would perish without chicken nuggets or
Taco Bell.
“We have plenty of food in this
house,” I reply, angrily banging pans.
The rest of the family starts showing up
as well, nosing around for dinner. For a
fl eeting second, pizza doesn’t sound like a
bad idea.
I end up making a variety of frozen
food, nachos, and the ol’ stand-by, Kraft
Mac-n-Cheese, hoping my offerings will
appeal to someone. It usually does, but
believe me, there are no rave reviews or
even a thank-you. They all fi nd their own
little meal spot away from the others,
usually in front of a television. The
experience leaves me fantasizing about
faking my own death and jetting off to
some tropical location where a goodlooking
cabana boy makes me nachos.
So I try the family dinner idea. I
envision a “Leave it to Beaver” experience
where we all laugh and discuss our day,
strengthening our family bond. I envision
my boys smiling with milk mustaches and
my husband reminding them to use their
napkins; my daughters complimenting
me on my home cooking and offering to
clean up afterward. Yes, maybe George
Lopez was right.
It begins well. We all sit down and
my 5-year-old daughter says a little family
prayer. I’ve made everyone’s favorite
– Parmesan chicken – and made sure that
there’s at least one slam-dunk favorite side
dish for each kid. I pour my husband a
glass of wine.
And then it starts. My 14-year-old
daughter gets the ball rolling with a
vicious insult directed at my 12-year-old
son. It’s so cruel, he leaves the table. My
19-year-old daughter makes a comment
that supports what the 14-year-old said,
angering my husband. He then throws a
nice verbal jab back at our 19-year-old,
causing her to cry and dragging me into
the mess. I try to defend her, and in the
process discover that I’ve been harboring
a lot of resentment toward my husband
over an unrelated incident involving his
failure to clean a dirty bathroom.
You get the picture. It’s a disaster!
We’re all yelling, some are crying and no
one’s eating my chicken!
Believe it or not, I try another family
dinner again a few weeks later, hoping
that the fi rst failed attempt was due to
our being out of practice eating with each
other, but a similar train wreck happens.
For some reason, the same 12-yearold
who last time left the table with hurt
feelings thinks the dinner table is a good
place to try out his newest “Yo Momma”
jokes. My husband, doing his best Ward
Cleaver impersonation, warns him that
the jokes are rude and disrespectful to
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women, and the next person who says
“Yo Momma” would be expelled from
the table.
I can’t help it: my 5-year-old asks
me who’s going on her fi eld trip with her
tomorrow. “Yo Momma,” I reply. Ward
does not fi nd that amusing.
Now every night at 6 o’clock, when
the boys storm in, they don’t ask what’s
for dinner. They ask, with dread in their
voices, “Are we having a family dinner?”
To which I reply, “No way – not until
I can get Dr. Phil to join us.”
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